By Jhannille Brooks
Learning to say no – There are only so many hours in a day with a seemingly endless list of things to do. There will be many requests for your presence, participation and input but you are not obligated to fulfil them all. Learning to say no and manage the feelings of guilt that come is crucial to managing your stress levels.
Being clear on your values – our value system provides the framework for how we interact with the world. “If you don’t know where you’re going , any road will take you there” -our values determine how we think, feel and act, interact with others. They also help us to set boundaries for how we behave and what we tolerate.
Allowing yourself to ask for help – No man is an island and we are meant to live in community. 1 of the benefits of community is being able to capitalize on support from others. Occasionally we create distress for ourselves by refraining from asking for support due to fear of being disappointed. This form of hyper-independence adds to stress and limits our social connections.
Stop expecting you for other people – Oftentimes we set ourselves up for disappointment when we expect other people to behave as we would when the tables turn. Humans are imperfect beings who will fail in various ways and deserve to have grace extended to them. Having boundaries in our relationships is important but we expecting our friends/partners to behave exactly as we would in situations is unfair to both us and them.
Feel your feelings – A wave of sadness during a social event is inconvenient, feelings of anxiety while delivering a speech is “bad timing”, nevertheless our feelings are meant to be experienced. Distracting ourselves with other activities may help for the moment but they will resurface. As unpleasant as it is, our feelings will pass if we allow ourselves to experience them (if you notice that feelings such as anxiety or sadness are frequent or long-lasting there may be need for further assessment).
Change your perspective- as cliché as it may sound, looking at the glass as half-full results in more positive feelings than focusing on the contents of the glass that are missing. Also, focusing on what you can control gives you a feeling of autonomy and ownership of your thoughts and feelings.